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Ex-friend ..
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Fcuking idiotic father is shooting away again .. why is he always doing things that make me hate him .. fml ..

That aside .. alot has happened .. maybe it has moulded me to how i'm todae ..

Saw my previous entries .. perhaps i've forgotten to update you on the "ex-friend" episode .. the friend who was proposed to in my earlier entries, she got married .. before that, we were really close friends .. it's like there's no wall, even just a thin slice, between us .. not like those i have with some other friends ..

It's my fault that it started out the way it did .. was on my b'day if i didn't remember wrongly .. she wished me happy b'dae & broke the news that she was getting married within 2 weeks & then flying off to America right after that as her husband-to-be has a job there and it was HIS dream ..

I could only blame myself & my hot-quick temper as i remembered that day when she told me how everything went wrong for her when she went to America with her husband-to-be .. I was like, was she really ready to marry him? after what he did? .. instead of congratulating her .. and i guess the words i used was harsh as i was in a bad mood (which always happen on my b'day .. as i would get all emo & disappointed that people do not wish me "happy b'day" .. lol .. i also don't know why i get this every year) and she has to choose this time to tell me ..

i am selfish .. this happy news of hers became one of those news which reminds me of things i don't have (finally admitting it is just .. don't know how to put it into words ..) .. and things which came out of me became words of jealousy which turned things ugly ..

Could not really remember what exactly what happened after that .. but i guess she got disappointed in me (as what i saw in fb) and totally left me out of her plans for marriage ..

I did apologise .. i did try to mend the crack that has appeared in our friendship .. it was all too late i guess .. i was heartbroken .. as i see how i let my emotions make me lose a close friend ..

Well .. everything has happened .. and nothing i do can reverse the situation .. that's what i tell myself everytime when i think about this ex-friend .. if i had written this earlier, i could have broke down into tears like what i did .. i thought i'd forget what happened earlier on, but i discovered that i actually remembered .. maybe i was working hard to forget everything ..

It is a huge blow to me & everything was hard to accept, digest & forget .. wana thank the friends who were there when i needed them the most ..

I have finally confessed almost everything that i still remember .. i hope i can move on from here .. it seems like i haven't really moved on when i think about the ex-friend every now & then .. but then again, maybe i had, as i was not breaking down every now & then when i wrote this, which i must have in the past .. when the wound is still fresh & stinging ..

The wound has healed .. but the scar remains, stubbornly .. forgetting really needs alot of time ..

Maybe this incident made me scared to lose another friend .. as i only have 2 more friends to lose .. oh wait .. but in the process, i've made another friend, now back to the number 3 ! hahaha !

It has been a very dear lesson that I have learnt, which costed me a huge price .. but .. come to think of it, i have also gained in the process !

It's like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone ! it's DAEBAK !!! I learned a lesson & gained a friend in return as i confided in her! hahahahaha ! Never thought of it this way though, but this is great!

Perhaps everything has been planned by the people in the clouds .. to make me treasure my friends more & make me learn the importance of controlling my bad temper ..

Maybe i've turned into a more understanding & sensitive person?

I hope i have became a better person in the process .. want to thank all things for this dear lesson learned .. thank you ..
(+*MissWaTeVeR*+) ♥ 5:05 AM