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Thursday, September 10, 2009 |
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"He proposed to me" my friend suddenly broke this news to me ... and, suddenly, I didn't know how to react to that ... I only knew that I should congratulate her ... and .. so .. i did ... i couldn't say for sure how i felt EXACTLY at that point in time ... i felt kinda .. numb ...
Maybe it's shock? maybe it's .. jealousy? maybe it's ... i dunno ... haiz ... complicated ... i'm kinda tired after a day at work .. plus i felt weak coz i haven't been eating well, thanks to the HUMUNGOUS ulcer in my mouth ..
I am seriously disappointed with myself for feeling this way .. I SHOULD be HAPPY for my friend !! BUT NO !! WHY THE FREAKING HELL WAS I FEELING THE WAY I DID ?! WTF ?!
But I was SURE glad the feeling didn't last long ... DOUBLE haiz ...
It is time like this which make me DESPERATE ... REALLY wish i have a boyfriend ... someone who really lurves me for who i am ... someone who will propose to me (like wad my fren juz experienced) in time to come ... well, guess i'm really a Singaporean .. kiasu luh ... kaoz ... or maybe ... i'm becoming desperate too ... wtf ...
I am 25 single and never had a boyfriend ... how pathetic can things get ? LMAO wow ~
I guess i'm really getting desperate ... can't believe it that i'm actually picturing myself with my fren's cousin, who carries around with him a beer tummy, has a G-I joe haircut, and who looks absolutely like an uncle ... haiz ... wtf ... i guess it's ME, that i don't have a bf ? i'm really not good-looking, ppl say i look like my DAD *FUCK IT* .. and THAT can simply prove i look SERIOUSLY BAD ... but i REALLY hope to find someone who looks presentable ... i'm SUPERFICIAL ... i REALLY M ... WADEVER , THAT'S WHO I M .. FUCK ..
i'm beginning to lose faith ... i probably already lost it ... FUCK ! i feel FUCKING DEPRESSED AGAIN ?! ALL THE TEARS .. ALL THE FEARS .. ALL THE ANGER .. ALL THE DESPERATION .. ALL THE REBELLION .. FUCK THEM
i probably use all these vulgarities to cover wad i feel .. even laughing them off everytime .. i REALLY m PATHETIC .. u must be DYING to tell me to FACE reality .. and to STOP running away from wad i actually FEEL ... well .. FUCK .. FUCK .. FUCK .. BUT WAD THE FUCKING HELL .. these are probably the things that keep me SANE .. that PROTECTS myself against all these FUCKING FEELINGS .. that HELPS me be WHO I AM .. WHO I WANT TO BE .. HOW I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE .. I LURVE VULGARITIES .. THEY ARE A FUCKING PART OF ME .. any-fucking-way, they are created to help humans express their ANGER , to VENT the ANGER OUT, AIN'T IT ?! well .. i m just saying that i m making really GOOD use of these creations ... HAHAHAHAHHAA ! I M GREAT ! WOW ~ to think i can actually make THESE FUCKING kind of EXCUSES to use vulgarities .. wtf .. whaahhahahahaa .. WADEVER ! THEY MAKE ME HAPPY *i'm SOOOOO laughing OVER HERE ! FUCK IT hahahahahha
THATS just WHO THE FUCKING HELL I AM !!! hahahahhahaa ! I ABSOLUTELY ADORES THIS FUCKING SIDE OF MYSELF ! hahahahahha .. oh no .. i'm getting REALLY vulgar !!! BUT .. FUCK .. WADEVER !!!
THIS IS ME |
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(+*MissWaTeVeR*+) ♥ 8:36 AM |
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